korea has been amazing so far.

it's hard to describe any of my experiences with the limited vocabulary i have.

but in short, i have finally tasted what it's like to do what i was meant to do. yes!! i have found my true calling, and it's a great feeling.

i didn't realize how lost i was.. how ignorant i was.. but now i know a little more and i hope to learn even more as time goes by.

yes.. i'm going to say it again.. i can't believe it's almost been a year since i've arrived.. i don't know why i'm in such disbelief.. it's not like not much has happened.. no no no!!! sooo much has happened.. but still, it seems like i've only been here a month.. funny no?

i've never been this excited about going to work.. i thought it was novelty.. but no... it's not..

the past 2 months, this has been life:

Monday: teach 6 year olds how to read English (1 hour) then teach a 6 year old how to live without a mother.. while teaching her English (1 hour)

Tuesday: work as a missionary (7 hours) then teach middle aged women in an IT company how to debate, express themselves in English (1.5 hour)

Wednesday: teach at Chanel cosmetics.. middle aged women again.. (1 hour) and then same as Monday

Thursday: work as a missionary (up to 12 hours)

Friday: same as Wednesday

Saturday: my day

Sunday: Lord's day..and i have my small group meeting with 3 other girls.. it's been really good and a blessing.. we only share what's been happening with our week and then pray together.. then I serve in a ministry called Bread Breakers.. it's basically what we do at GMC.. we go to eat after service with random people.. some weeks are good, with interesting people.. some weeks are hard and awkward.. but i love it..

it's not much right?? i don't work that many hours really.. but when every week, on Friday, i find myself dumbfounded that it's already the end of the week..

you wonder what i mean by "work as a missionary".. well here's the breakdown:

i work for a mission's organization called AMI.. it stands for Antioch Missions International.. it's a place that trains missionaries from all over the world. We train them and then send them back to their respective countries so that they can raise more leaders.. in order to spread the Gospel till the ends of the Earth. Within AMI, there's a seminary, a publication house, a church.. AMI has centers in over 12 countries in the 10/40 window (these are the latitudes between which are the most concentration of unreached people) all for the purpose of Missions.. my official title at AMI is International Coordinator.. what i do is very simple, but tremendous at the same time.. i communicate with 6 of these 12 centers.. i oversee what they do.. how they spend money.. how the work flows.. etc.. Dr. Hwang (our President, founder and spiritual father) wants me to learn to manage all of those centers.. it's pretty overwhelming.. i've never done anything like this before.. managing pastors and missionaries who are way way older than me.. but slowly i'm learning..

that's it.. in a nutshell.. Starting February, i will be here full time, monday to friday.. and in order to support myself, i will be teaching only a few classes here and there.. but i'm hoping that maybe i could get some other financial support.. we shall see how God leads me.. because i know He will..

since i've been in korea, God has been speedy speedy in answering prayers.. and His voice has been louder.. He's closer too.. I still haven't really figured out why.. but my best guess is that the moment i genuinely laid down my life for Him to take over, He took charge over me.. it's not to say that things are perfect in Korea.. that i'm 180 degrees changed.. (i wish) but degree by degree (to continue in the same analogy), he's changing me... and guiding me in the right direction.. I will also say that i don't know anything about where i will be next year.. nor the year after.. nor if i will make my mother's dream come true and get married.. nor when i will completely quit smoking.. nor when i will stop being judgmental.. or insecure.. things are very much the same as before.. i'm the same as before.. but it's this strong confidence that God will take care of me now.. that i don't need to keep thinking about these things anymore.. that it's not what i do.. or don't do.. God will prevail.. and continue to be.. i just need to ride the ride.. flow.. soar..

am i making any sense to you?
hehehehe.. don't worry.. i'm also in the process of really understanding what's happening to me..

anyways.. it's almost time for me to go teach my IT ladies..

i'm sorry i've been so silent for so long.. but as you can see.. it's been quite a ride..

maybe next time i write to you, it'll be from Montreal.. wow.. i miss home so much.. you don't understand how much i miss it.. but soon.. very very soon.. i'll be home again..

ahh.. the motherland.. it's been good.. overall..i shouldn't have much to complain about.. but the nature of human makes that impossible.. sad right? but you all know it's true.. so here are the series of complaints.. and honestly.. it's mostly all about me.. in a good way.. cuz they are complaints about me.. so yes.. this is going to be one of those "i suck" kind of entry.. so if you want to save yourself the trouble.. please close the tab..

1) i suck!!! i seriously have issues with judging people.. and these judging stems from feeling judged.. let me explain.. i sit outside and have a cigarette.. and my roomate is on the roof tanning.. and all of a sudden, i hear her moving from one spot to another.. and think to myself.. "what's wrong with her?? why is she judging me??? why can't she be gracious and just let me be who i am?? argggg and she should really stop going around telling people what a bad christian i am.. cuz really.. it's not about that!!! arggg.. it's so none of her business.. and she should really just suck it up and stop being an idiot about all of this" so there!!! the roomate didn't say or do nothing.. i have no proof that she's going around telling people that i'm a closet case smoker and i think about what a horrible person she is for judging me..

another example.. today, i worked from 9am at the cafe (at church) all day til 7:30pm.. and today is wednesday and normally i would have a lesson, but it got canceled, so i had no excuse not to go to Wednesday night service.. but i was honestly really tired.. and walking to the bus stop i think about all the people who knew about my cancellation and think "yah.. i could've gone.. but i'm tired!!! so tired!!! why can't these people understand!!!??? and i know that the roomate is going to come home and ask how come i didn't come to the service.. and i won't have anything to say.. and she'll judge me for not being "holy".. and all that stuff!!! why are they so ungracious!!!?? what's wrong with them?? why can't they not leave me alone???"...

another example.. i was talking to someone today.. and i was sharing how i didn't know what to do with my hair.. whether to grow it.. or perm it.. or what.. and how i want to look more feminine.. and she says.. "yah.. we need to take better care of ourselves.." so i say defensively.. "i do.. i try"..
- no.. you need to exercise..
- yah.. i know.. i've been meaning to.. so busy though.. (how did we come from talking about hairstyle to exercising??)
- i know.. what are you doing on saturday???
- mm.. not sure yet.. why?
- i'm going to the mountain..
- oh.. hiking?
- yup..
- what time?
- i can meet you at 7:30 at the subway..
- AM???
- well.. certainly not PM..
- mmm.. i'll have to think about that..
- it's so awesome up there.. and so refreshing..
- i bet...how hard is it to climb the mountain?
- soooooo hard.. you'll sweat from head to toe..
- mmm.. i'll have to think about that.. mountain.. in this heat and humidity.. i don't know..
- i think it'll do you good..
- perhaps..

so after this convo.. i'm starving.. cuz obviously i'm stressed.. and feel crappy about myself.. cuz obviously she thinks i'm massive and i should lose weight.. and she's right.. i know.. so i go and fix myself a sandwich.. and think "she's totally gonna think "that's why she's so fat.. she eats sandwiches.. she should eat rice.".. well.. screw her!!! i'm hungry.. i only had lunch at 12.. and it's already 6.. and i'm hungry.. why does she have to be so judgmental?? it's so korean!!! i hate it!!! lucky she's pocket size.. and i'm not.. but what i can do??? she's so not edifying!!! what's wrong with her???"

SOOOOO.. i know.. i know!!! i know what you're thinking.. you judgmental bastards!!! i know!!!! i'm being totally retarded!!! don't worry.. i know! and you know that i know that you know.. so shut up!!! it's very hard to live in my head.. i don't know how well organized your brains are.. and how rational that makes you.. but i'm not.. i'm very very far from being rational.. and secure..

so the solutions are as follows:
- stop smoking!!!
- start exercising!!!
- eat better.. or eat rice.. not bread!!!
- stop judging others when they clearly haven't.. and even if they do in their heads.. that's their problem!!! and truly.. what do i know about what's going on in their heads?
- stop thinking!!!

i think that's about it!!!

i don't know why i wrote that i have so many complaints.. really .. i only have one.. just one.. and that's me.. i suck!!!

but more than that.. i think to myself.. "how can i change for the better in this situation?".. and clearly i have somewhat of a doctrinal/maybe even theological issue here.... don't worry.. i'm reading the book of Romans.. and i find it very helpful.. i'm sure Paul will enlighten me..

ok.. back to reading.. or chatting.. or smoking.. or eating.. or not exercising..

for a good laugh

Original ad:
I bought this GE refrigerator a few years ago, but just got a new one for my kitchen and no longer need it. It still works perfectly and is very large, perfect as your main fridge for a kitchen. I'm asking $300 for it. I am located in Brooklyn, but will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee.

From Mike Partlow to ************@**********.org

Hello,

I am very interested in your fridge. Is it still available? If so, how much would you charge to deliver it to my place in the city?

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

Yes mike it is still available. I will deliver it for an extra $50. where is your place located?

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

I want it delivered to my office on the 67th floor of the ********* Building on **rd st and **********. Now I am pretty sure that the fridge won't fit in the elevator, and if it does, it would exceed the weight capacity, so you will have to carry it up the stairs. I hope this won't be a problem.

When can you deliver it? I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and can be there any time. I do need it sooner rather than later, however.

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

that is absurd. Im not going to heave this very heavy fridge up 67 flights of stairs. Dosent your building have a cargo/utility elevator?

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty, you don't have to lug it up 67 flights of stairs. There is a loading bay around back that starts on the 2nd floor, and I'm pretty sure this building does not count the 13th floor. So you are really only carrying it up 65 flights of stairs. There was a cargo elevator, but building management has told me that I am never allowed to use it again after I attempted to bring my motorcycle up to my office. They don't let just anyone use it anymore, so that isn't an option.

From marty ******* to Me

absolutely not. do you have any idea how heavy this thing is? why do you even need a full size fridge in your office? just buy one of those small mini fridges.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty,

You are obviously not a very good salesman if you are trying to suggest I buy something else instead of your product. How is that working out for you? Do you make a lot of money that way?

Not that it is any of your business, but I cannot afford rent in my apartment anymore and am slowly trying to move into my office so I can live out of there. I plan on disguising the fridge as a filing cabinet so my company will not get suspicious. If anyone asks you what you are doing when you are moving it into my office, just tell them that you are delivering my new filing cabinet. Try to tuck the power cord under the fridge so they don't realize that it is actually a fridge.

How does next Tuesday work? I am free all day.

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

mike I don't think you understood me. I am NOT delivering the fridge to your office. it's way too big and heavy, and I doubt you will find anyone willing to carry it up to the 67th floor.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty,

I'm sorry, I must have misread your ad. I could have sworn it said "will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee." Am I crazy, or did your ad say that?

I don't recall it saying "will be willing to deliver it as long as your building isn't too big and scary for my weak little body to carry it."

From marty ******* to Me

Hey listen asshole. You are a Fuckin idiot if you honestly think somebody will do this. It has nothing to do with strength it is just an insane request. the only way you will get a fucking fridge up there is with an elevator. fuck off.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty, I get what you are saying. It doesn't have anything to do with strength, because even my 120 lb ex-wife could carry this thing up. It is clearly a lack of motivation. You need to be in the right mindset to be able to do this.

Tell you what, I'll stand behind you as you carry it up, and shout encouraging motivational words at you to keep you going. I'll say things like "c'mon Marty, you can do it! You're almost there!" and "don't give up!" I'll even bring a few bottles of Gatorade in case you get thirsty. What flavor do you want? I have frost and orange, but I really don't recommend orange because it doesn't even taste like Gatorade.

So see you Tuesday?

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

shut the fuck up.

this is me and bad boy JR.. birthday boy took me out into town..

i got to see american GI's and the ladies line dance to gansta rap..
this was like the only picture i took at my church's summer retreat.. you see why i miss my 50 members church from back home huh?
then i went to a silent retreat with my girl imes.. this is us waiting for the bus to take us back to the city.. we were there for 2 hours..
we met this man who waited the last 30 minutes.. doesn't he look grand??
we got hungry..
sorry, this is backwards.. but this is us arriving at the beautiful centre.. it was an amazing 2 days..
on the way there, we stopped at a bathroom.. and this is what i found outside.. beautiful no?
this is us waiting for the bus to get us there.. we also waited 2 hours..
and we jump to a night out at a singing bar.. these are my co-workers.. we were high on pork bbq and soju.. good times..
johanna.. a great gal i met at maple bear (that's the name of the school) she's awesome.. and loves the mike.. ;)
some were higher than others.. the one in blue is leaving seoul in a few weeks.. and the skirt is a korean teacher the foreigners love.. they were so sad..
there with the cigarette is pare.. she's another great gal.. canadian biensure.. here below is me trying to open my eyes as big as hers..
yah.. vain attempt... why you eyes so big??
my 2 new best friends..i feel young when i'm around these 24 year olds.. ;)
i discovered the rooftop in the building where i worked.. this was my haven.. my oasis.. it was quiet.. and i could be alone under the sun..
but twice a day.. there's this military plane that flies really low.. it's scary..
me suntanning.. sel-ca
sometimes i had company..
my 4 seniors.. real brats.. the one in the checkered shirt was my biggest headache.. but the last day i was there.. he was the only one who wrote me a card.. and it was really really thoughtful.. and sweet.. that was a nice surprise..
this is james.. a brat in my junior class.. the one that gets blamed for all the bad things in the class.. (read post below)
my poopy jamie(read post below)
little "something-something" who kept calling me fat.. chubby herself.. she's going to grow into a fat girl.. and her gingerbread men sucked!!! "fat" people in korea are the saddest i think.. because socially, koreans think that when you're fat.. it's because you're lazy..and plus, it's impossible to find clothes that fit.. unless you're a dyke.. i don't wish her to be fat.. not for real.. but she kept hurting my feelings with her truthful-children-can't-lie-ness...
eric.. a slow little boy.. but the sweetest thing on earth.. he was a terrible student.. did everything slower.. and couldn't memorize a 3 word sentence.. but seriously.. the sweetest thing on earth..
my TP
this was my 1st week.. when i thought she was cute..
oh chloe.. this was my favorite time of the day.. after we give them food.. we have "no-talking-time".. like 10 minutes during which we have complete silence.. and all they're supposed to do is eat.. cute..
in front of my favorite restaurant in town.. (translation: park your car yourself!)
me and my cousin..
a shooter this doll gave me on the street.. yes.. a real boozy shooter..
this is the nice doll that kept giving me booze on the street..
homeless people are everywhere in the world.. must be the dolls that give out free booze
just cuz..
oh .. back to my favorite restaurant.. the servers are adorable..
touch my bum
i miss jeni
i think someone should open a restaurant in montreal called "what the pho?"
random.
token white guy.. topless at the pride parade.. what's a pride parade without a token white boy without his shirt..
the parade
the go go dancers on top of the speakers..
the girls and me.. michelle.. girl.. what are you doing all the way in the back???
white boys on the truck.. what a beautiful accesory...
this beautiful little man is one of the 1st korean celebrity that came out of the closet who managed to not kill himself.. now he's doing great in the industry.. everyone wants a piece of him.. i did too..
terrible drag queen and king.. beautiful boy..


that little sticker near my neck is what you had to wear if you wanted to keep your identity a secret.. cus unfortunately, it's still potentially "dangerous" for you to be gay in korea.. so whoever had that on.. people were not allowed to take pictures of them.. and if you accidently did.. you have to blurr them if you want to post the picture online..
lesbians.. i think there are more korean lesbians out of the closet.. there were definitely more dykes than homos there.. and most homos were white.. weird.. everywhere else, it's the opposite..
birthday girl under the rainbow

and now.. you guys are getting a little treat.. cuz i took such a long time to update.. so i uploaded a video.. and this is a first on gotseoul.. enjoy.. xoxox

dudes.. i'm closing my 4th month in korea but it definitely feels longer than that.

i haven't been blogging much because i was working so bloody hard at this school.. teaching kindergarten kids.. they were lovely at times.. but most of the times, they were just a bunch of spoiled-only child brats.. i wish i could tell you all the weird things i heard in that classroom.. or the weird things that happened.. but i'll limit myself to 2..

1st is that there's this really annoying girl.. named alice who kept on commenting on how fat i was.. she would say in her broken english: "miss anne.. fat!!!" that simple!!! she would say this with a sweet little smile.. kind of waiting for my reaction.. like i would laugh and say something like "i know.. i'm on a diet.. i'll be thin soon" or something.. but instead.. i would tell her.. "alice.. you're fat too! do you like that???" then she would shake her head.. so i would tell her "don't say things like that to people.. in canada, that's rude and really annoying".. i knew that she wouldn't really get the whole thing.. just understand the "don't say that".. oh well.. i tried.. but it starts young here in korea..

2nd, i have this kid.. and he's probably the bad-ass of the class.. he's bigger than the rest of them.. and eats twice as much at lunch.. and acts like a retard (sorry.. i know that's PI, but honestly..) and i'm always catching him picking his nose and eating his buggers.. plus.. when it's play time, he's always making something into a gun and fires at everyone and then shoots himself.. (scary) but really.. he's just pushing and punching people.. anyways.. one day, i was alone in the classroom with the kids.. they were having a play time.. and i was preparing for the next lesson when all of a sudden, all the kids screamed "MISS ANNE!!! POOOOOOO!!!!" i'm like "what the?" and go over and there it was.. something that looked like poo smashed under the carpet... it had white stuff in there.. and i just couldn't believe that it could be poo.. so i told the kids "it's not poo.. so stop yelling!!! go and line up.. we're going to bathroom.." but all the while.. they kept on saying that it was james.. this other brat.. and i could imagine him doing such a thing.. but anyways.. they all left and i lifted the carpet one more time.. and that's when i smelled it.. what the hell's going on?? right? so anyways.. my TP (teaching partner.. but they're more like the caring mommies and we're the weird people who don't ever care.. they talk to the kids in korean and does everything except teaching.. i don't know why it's called TP, but regardless) so she comes back from her break along with the kids.. and she goes straight to the carpet.. cuz the kids told her that someone had pooped.. so she says:
"who did this?"
no replies..
"WHO DID THIS?" (my TP is known to be a yeller.. and all the kids are scared of her)
then the kids shyly answered:
"james"
"JAMES!!! did you do this???"
james: "no!!!! i swear!!!!
TP: -come here.. i'm going to check every single one of you.. and find out who did it..
so james walks to the teacher.. and i'm thinking.. "no.. she is not!!!!"

yes.. she did.. she looked in his pants..
but it wasn't james.. it was all clean and nice in there..
so she called out the next kid.. and that's when my sweet little bad ass jamie raised his brave hand and said.. "it's me!"
-what happened? (and she's mad at this point..)
no reply
-WHAT HAPPENED!!!????? ANSWER ME!!!???
i'm thinking.. lady!!! of course he's not going to answer that.. in front of all the other kids.. moron!! so she says..
- go to the bathroom and take off all your clothes and wait for me!! NOW!!!
so jamie leaves the classroom and goes for the bathroom.. she's really pissed.. and doesn't know what to do .. she's really puzzled.. and i don't know what to do.. so i just sat all the kids and said.. ok.. everyone.. let's sit down and we're going to eat lunch.. everyone sit down!!!!
so all of us quietly ate lunch.. and jamie and the TP cleaned up the shit.. it was a weird afternoon..

later she took jamie out of the class and calmly asked him what happened.. and this is what she told me.. after class, he was so excited to be playing that he didn't want to waste time going to the bathroom.. he knew that lunch time was around the corner.. so he just went.. and he panicked.. didn't know what to do.. so he reached back.. and it was there.. hot and all.. so he grabbed the biggest piece and shoved it under the carpet.. and with his hands.. he decided to go and just wipe it behind a closet.. where no one could see.. yah.. jamie was so too busy playing to go to the bathroom to poo..

i really don't know what to think of this.. but honestly.. i think he's got issues at home or something.. bahhh... makes me not want to have kids.. too scary..

so this job is done with.. it's been a week or so.. and i miss all of them.. even jamie.. they are so cute and i had a great time teaching them..

since then.. i got me a really bad flu and slept all day for 3 days.. it was intense.. but all is good now..

then came the weekend.. and the pride.. it was really interesting.. nothing like back home.. well.. except the rainbow flags and the free condoms, but all in all.. it was different.. it was shy.. it was proud, but shy.. i have photos to show you, but some faces will be fuzzed up.. cuz that's how shy it was.. but it's ok.. we all took part of the parade.. and danced to madonna and other gay music.. it was fun..

sorry guys.. i just realized that i'm really becoming a bad writer.. but it's because i'm not reading as much as before.. and i'm obviously not writing enough.. ;) but i promise that i'll get better.. and post more often.. now i'm tired and i have to rest after all that gayness.. but below are pictures for your pretty eyes..

love you all very much!!!

hi guys! i'm sorry i've been so absent lately.. i don't know what's been keeping me so busy, but it has been extremely.. for like 2 weeks, i was a vegetable.. staying home, doing nothing but watch my new TV with cable with tons of movies and korean dramas.. and then boom.. out of nowhere, i had work coming in from everywhere.. hmmm.. actually it went more like..

comfortable not working - depressed about not working so denying it by watching too much TV - praying for work - work finding me..

ya?

i could've wrote to you guys during that time of no working, but deeply feeling useless and somewhat worrying about money, but i had nothing to talk about, so blogging was out of the question..i'm sorry about that.. i hope y'all understand and forgive me..

so let me tell you about the working thing.. how it came about and stuff.. the 1st one is at a school for adults.. i'm just replacing a teacher on vacation.. so it's only going to be one week.. should be fun.. 30 somthing years old ladies in a room.. i can relate..

the other one is a kindergarten.. 6 year olds.. running around.. bouncing.. loud.. i was only supposed to be there for a few days, but the principal asked me to stay for a little longer until they find a full time teacher.. so i think i'll be there everyday for another 3 weeks or so..

i mean.. i'm not complaining, but these babies are a handfull.. it takes up all my energy.. and all i do is just play with them.. we have a couple of lessons during the day, but really.. it's making craft and yelling words with all that i got.. ahhh.. yah.. i never thought i would be teaching 6 year olds.. but it's a new experience.. we'll see in another week.. i might get convicted for killing 10 children.. hahaha.. ok.. not funny..

tonight, i had my 1st sit down with my roomate.. i wish i could get into details, but i'm still digesting it and trying to understand where she's coming from.. she talked about basic principles.. and i thought i had those, but i guess we have different ones.. i don't know.. still thinking about it.. i hate sit downs.. and i could tell that it wasn't comfortable for her either.. but i'm really glad that she opened up to me and was honest in sharing her feelings.. this could go either way.. this might make us even more distant .. or make us be more vulnerable and really become friends.. cuz right now, i feel like we're just roomates.. one thing i could share with you guys is that i think she's bothered by my smoking.. well.. she said that she didn't appreciate the fact that i didn't tell her this before we moved it.. so she felt like the trust was broken then.. but i think that part of the problem isn't that i didn't tell her, but it's me smoking that bothers her.. i don't know for sure.. but i don't know what she wants me to do.. i asked her, but she didn't really answer.. she said something about smelling smoke when i walk in.. (cuz i smoke outside obviously) but is that really a big deal? how can i mask it? does she not want me to smoke outside the house? so where is the boundary? do i have to make sure to not smell before i walk into the house? i really don't mind compromising.. but i don't know what she wants.. or how intolerable she is to smoke.. mmm.. this means that we might have to have another sitdown to talk about logistics.. right? argg.. don't want to.. but might have to.. or i should just quit.. bahhh..

yah.. i think she doesn't like me and maybe she'd be happy if i told her i'm moving out.. i don't know.. it's funny.. or rather, i think i overestimated myself.. i really thought that i was the easiest roomate.. that i was fun to live with.. but maybe i'm not.. i don't know.. she intimidates me.. i don't know why.. maybe because she's american.. and americans are superior from all other races..

ok.. it's 1am.. i'm working early tomorrow.. so i shall leave you.. maybe i'll sneak out for a smoke and stay out for a full 10 minutes before i come back in..